Sometimes the reasons come later

In September 2009,I was on a low protein diet,started exercising four times a week and was on Yasmin.

Barely a month later,I found out I was already 10 weeks pregnant with Keisya.

Overjoyed was not how I felt. And now I regret that. After having three kids,to have another one so soon really didn't leave me much to be excited and really happy. I have to admit,I was sad,stressed,disappointed and angry at myself,my body.

What could have gone wrong? I had taken all the necessary precautions for family planning. Why was I then,pregnant again,so soon?! I uttered Alhamdulillah so many times but I still couldn't understand. Why?

At that time,everything seemed to go wrong. The helper decided to quit and because of that I had to stop some tutoring jobs which resulted in less income for the family. It was hard. Add morning sickness,clingy Marsya and very active Ryan,it was really hard. We were without a helper for more than a mth and I had to handle all of that on my own while Bobo was at work. Thank goodness Elisya was a no fuss baby.

So again,I wondered,why? Why now,again???

Until Bobo,the man with very few words, spoke,one day.
It was right after Subuh prayers. He hugged me tight and he said he had made doas for baby and I. For himself too. He is prepared to take on the responsibility and challenges and he prayed that my heart would open for the baby,soon. "Sometimes,the reasons come later in life. Just think how much more laughter we'll get in the house. U'll love the baby like how u love Marsya,Ryan and Elisya."

I will?
Will I?

My heart sank la. :(

What Bobo had said only meant that I was not taking care of myself and the baby well. How could I be so selfish?! I had to remind myself constantly to enjoy the pregnancy. And truth be told,I only did when I felt the first kick.

Since then,I uttered Alhamdulillah with my whole heart. I truly thank Him. Truly grateful.

By December 2009,I was still pregnant with my fourth. Not ecstatic about it but I was humbled by the fact that He wanted to give me another chance to carry life.





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