Last night was one of the best nights. I searched deep within. I tracked back from 20 years ago.... I was not a good girl to begin with. I've done many things I am ashamed of to even mention them. But I know I was a nice girl. I was too outspoken for my own good, too honest for some people, too blinded by others' good to see how much I had been taken advantaged of, all because I didn't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.
Then, came the workforce. Teaching taught me to be more resilient. I adapted to a culture I hated but still emerged strength from it because of the people who surrounded me at that time. I was not so blind anymore. My eyes were opened, mind jolted but heart......scarred. (teaching is even worse now...my fellow teachers mates...SALUTE!!!!)
Marriage and having my firstborn brought new perspectives to my life. I realised whom I had hurt, whom had hurt me. Because I was emotional and wanted to prevent repercussions, I started to oblige to almost everything. And it went on and on until...I have four kids.
After four kids, I didn't like the way I was. Til today, I am trying to be a better Muslimah. I put on the hijab after I gave birth to my fourth, 20 mths ago. I found a different yet meaningful life. I understood life's purpose and I am still on that road to being calm and peace all the time.
While on this road, hubby and I had received many compliments and criticism.
And on this road too, I saw true friends. Those who are wiling to stick all the way and those who dumped me cos I can't club with them anymore. Some also stopped asking me to shop with them cos now I have a different style. Little do they know, I still shop at the same places before I donned the hijab- with an additional favourite place full of treasure - Geylang Serai Market. :p
My non-Muslim friends (waves to Peimin, Kaifen, Kristin, Aunty Chong, Cynthia, Sabina, Rujing and the rest!!! ) and I enjoyed one another's company and we never meet up at clubs. Maybe, they're just being considerate. But hey! That is what I love about them!!! That is why I love them!!
Those are true friends. Never mind if they're not of the same religion as me. Never mind if they eat pork or drink alcohol. At least they don't pressure me. Thank you darlings. :) Being in hijab hasn't changed my friendship status with these lovely people. Thank God. :)
And it's not that I have no true Malay/ Muslim friends, there's just too many to mention lah. Academy awards speech also sure lose one.
So my point is, some people hate my guts. Because that is how I am. My mom (mothers know best,right?) ever told me so too. She said I am exactly like my dad. "But remember, Abah is a man but you're a woman. It's not the same." 10 years ago, when mom said that to me, I said 'Baguslah. Let them know I am not one who takes crap.'
But after life's experiences, I am thankful mom gave me those timely reminders.
The person who would jump at any opportunity to make her stand will now be silent for a little while and listens more.
The person who usually slammed back at false remarks/judgments about her will now think. Thinks hard and cries for all her past doings. There is some or little truth in whatever someone says about you. It's just how you take it. And whether you wanna sit on it or act on it (your behaviour/attitude).
The person who would prove her point using vulgarities and lots of exclamation marks has now become a person who chants, 'Astarghfirullah' every time she's angry. And Alhamdulillah, it has made her heart turned from stone to almost ice within minutes. Such strong power from within when you know you have a lot of faith in Him.
So you see, it's not wrong for that particular person to hate me. I was someone to hate. But please don't be an enemy. Because it only means you want to do harm on me or my family.
And that's my greatest worry. :(
Love me, love my family.
Hate me.
Hate ONLY me.
Sincerely,
Kyn, Proud Mom of 4MusKynteers
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