Perfect Plan

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Updated (25 May 2012)

Nenek is critical in CCU in TTSH. She was supposed to be discharged today,was even talking to the nurses about how happy she was. But,in a split second,as witnessed by a nurse,she fell back on the hospital bed and is having stroke ever since.

It's not a minor stroke. :'(

Her organs are failing and she cannot talk and smile anymore. :'((

Even if her condition doesn't worsen,it's very unlikely that she'll recover fully and be like normal. She'll either be wheelchair bound or bed ridden. :'((

Prayers for you,my darling Nenek, Rahmah Bte Anwar. We want to see you well again,nenek.

And,thank you for believing in me. Thank you Allah,for giving nenek and I the opportunity,to tell how much love we have for each other,for allowing nenek to tell me that she believes I was not in the wrong,for telling me to keep ducking the rotten lemons because one day,they'll be too rotten,no one would even pick them,let alone throw them at me.

May Allah open the hearts of those who have failed to see the Perfect Plan He has executed for all of us.

Now, let me go cry my heart out. I can't handle this sudden news at all. I can't. :'((
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As cliché as it may sound.......my kids are my greatest strength. The considerable factors of having a good husband,strong family support,understanding in-laws, wonderful friends and undoubtedly,the blessing of my Creator, also built the dynamics and quantums of my being here today, standing tall (short) despite all odds.

There's a reason why God blessed Bobo and I with 4 kids. And I do not need to know what the reason may be. But I do need to know and realise what and who I was before I had 4 kids.

What went on in my life when I was young, let it remain as memories but the impact of what had happened,who made certain things happened,are the basic moulds of how I became me. (Size and shape included)

Was never anyone's favourite. Not one now too and might never be at all. But this is what keep me going. A blast from the past,reminded me of how I was deprived of being defended,deprived of seeking the right channel to prove myself right,to show that I'm a normal person. Time and again,I was misunderstood. Time and again,I'm labelled rude.

What's happening to me right now is the perfect plan.
God is indeed the best planner. He knows what I can handle. He knows I can be patient. More patient than how I ever was.

If I ever succeed in not succumbing to my broken state now,it's thanks to the 4muskynteers who never endingly call for 'mummy'. Thanks to the husband who buys my chocolate treats without me asking (and entertaining my emo whatsapps). Thanks to the brother,sister and cousins who send random 'I love u,I'm here for you' text messages. Thanks to the parents for teaching me to fight my own war,on my own. Thanks to the friends,whom I now prefer to call my sisters and their families,who always wipe my tears without even probing 'why'.
And of course,thanks to my Nenek,who showed me first hand,before I even reached puberty,that the most rotten lemons could be thrown at you are the lemons 'from the same plantation'.

Nenek,you and I had a bad start as soon as I was a tween. But you have been the greatest teacher for my patience and resilience and no wonder now, you keep telling my kids to 'be like mummy'.

Thank you Allah for executing this perfect plan. Had it not been,I wouldn't know which lemons to duck from.

I love you so much nenek,nothing can ever change that. Not even those rotten lemons.

Nenek is now in the hospital,in stable condition. Hoping to have her back at home soon so I can then execute my plan for this school holidays. It's 4muskynteers and Nenek time. ;)